Beautifully Broken

Awe dude....yet another break-up! I had to explain to my daughter that the gentleman who was pursuing me....whom she and I had been praying for as a potential husband....wasn't going to work. God had given me much discernment on numerous things which had me come to this decision...and I am so grateful for that. But having to explain these things to your child who is the first grade....is tough man!

Madelyn's response was - "Another one Mom?" I gasped! Another one? (I've only 'dated' one other Christian man....so my count was "2") She said...that's 3 mom! Clearly my mouth dropped to the floor.....who in the world was the 3rd guy she was referring to??? My response of course was....Three? And she said "Yeah, . . . 1) Daddy, 2) Mr. Soandso and 3) Mr. Soandso! Wow - I found it mind boggling that she considered her father....as a man in my life! She was only 2 months old when he abandoned her and I after I caught him in adultery. Needless to say....he's a part-time dad to the "T" - only sees her once a week - and because he pays child support....his duty is done. He doesn't call her and he doesn't try to see her more often than the court appointed visitation. It broke my heart. And I explained again....how her Dad made this choice and decision - and it wasn't Mommy's will. She understands that I've forgiven him. But it still hurts. Almost 8 years later!

In a world that often breaks my heart, my deepest pain can also be my greatest source of joy and purpose. Brokenness draws me to God like no other condition can.

He is the only One who can give me true hope and use my pain for His glory and for His good purposes. The deepest hurts of this fallen world may be unavoidable, but God also promises me that He is my "refuge and strength" (Psalm 46:1-2), the deliver of all my fears (Psalm 34:4, and the One who wants to use for good the pain of those who belong to Him. (Romans 8:28)

So often I have wanted to skip my seasons of brokenness. I haven't wanted to feel the pain, sorrow, fear, or shame. I longed for the time when I could just be OK again. But the truth is that until Heaven, I won't ever be OK.

Until then, I have a choice. And so do you.

I am allowing myself to truly experience my broken state. For the first time in my life I am asking God to use my deepest hurts beyond my present circumstances. God promises to trade the ashes of our failures, losses, and suffering for His true beauty. He longs to make us beautiful in our brokenness.

At first, I didn't want to be broken, and I certainly didn't feel beautiful. But slowly as each day passes and I am seeking God's comfort. In my brokenness I am submitting myself to Him and He is showing me what it looks like to be truly beautiful.

"The Spirit of the Sovereign LORD is on me, because the LORD has anointed me to preach good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted....to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve...to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes," Isaiah 61 proclaims. Beauty in God's eyes includes brokenness. And I believe that kind of beauty is the kind that can change your heart. My brokenness may become the greatest motivation for change in my life and in someone else's.

It sure was in Jesus' life. He is the one who felt more rejection than any human possibly could fee. He was abandoned, beaten, ignored, and ridiculed. He is our example of what it looks like to be beautifully broken.

This kind of makeover can't happen unless you allow God to use you in the broken period.

In the midst of all the brokenness I have felt over the past 7 years - and often continue to feel - He has worked in my heart in a way I didn't truly believe was possible.

He is my joy!!!