Ask yourselves this: other than paying child support, what else are you doing for your kid?
How many times have you taken your kid to school and picked her up? Talked to her teachers about how she’s doing, socially & academically? How much homework do you help with? Do you know the names of her best friend, her best friends’ parents, the little boy she has a crush on, the kid she hates? How many playdates do you supervise every week? How many field trips have you chaperoned?
How many nights have you rushed home from work, exhausted, and then had to get dinner on the stove? Where are you when Maddy is asking a million questions while you’re trying to get her off to bed so you can take care of your own responsibilities, like paying the bills, or doing some laundry?
When was the last time you got to use the bathroom in peace, without having your child walk in on you? How many nights has your child gotten out of her bed and crawled into yours because she was having nightmares and couldn’t sleep?
How many doctors’ appointments have you taken her to? How many times have you left your job because she suddenly spiked a fever at school, or had an asthma attack and forgot her inhaler? How many nights have you spent with her in the pediatric ER because she fell, or started throwing up, or just didn’t look right and your instincts said, get her to a doctor right away?
Courts split responsibility for taking care of the child’s financial needs between the parents according to income, per a predefined formula. In cases where the child’s father makes more than the mother, courts will expect him to carry the lion’s share of the financial burden. When she makes more money – she bears most of the burden. And yet, even in those cases, men still complain about paying the tiny portion the court deems to be their fair share. They’ll say, “she makes enough to take care of the kids. She don’t need my money.” To the selfish JERKS who think like that, I say – grow up.
A lot of men resent the fact that child support goes towards expenses like rent and utilities, as if a child doesn’t also need a safe, warm place to live. If a mother is spending $500 per month to take care of your child, and you contribute $200, that means she contributed $300. It may mean that, thanks to your contribution, she has some income left over to treat herself to hair appointments. So? Who’s clocking what you do with the rest of your money that isn’t going towards child support? Oh. Once you pay child support, it’s not your money anymore. Let it go.
Parenting is more than having the local child support office garnish your paycheck. If you’re not doing your share of the heavy lifting – if the only thing you contribute to your child’s life is that monthly or biweekly check – please shut the entire hell up about what the mother of your child “does” with that child support check.
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