When God gave us His Ten Commandments, He began with these words, "You shall have no other gods before me" (Exodus 20:3) He knew that if we would make our relationship with Him our top priority, He would bless our lives, and, through our other relationships, we would be a blessing to others. The primary problem with codependency is that it violates the heart of God's first commandment. In a codependent relationship, you allow someone else to take the place that God alone should have in your heart . . . . You allow another person to be your "god." If you have a misplaced dependency, you will have neither peace with God nor the peace of God. But if you put the Lord first, living each day dependent on Him, you will have God's peace, even when others are not peaceful toward you. This is one reason God says to us,
"You shall have no other gods before me."
(Exodus 20:3)
DEFINITIONS
Imagine that you have been handpicked by God to impact all the people around you, You have been chosen to be the liberator throughout the land . . .chosen to have the respect of all the people . . . chosen as the highest judge over the entire nation. God has even spelled out the specifics you must do in order to protect your power and safeguard your strength. Soon, the awesome stories of your success spread like wildfire. Then . . . in walks Delilah!
You know you are not to reveal the secret of your strength, because God has said, "Don't tell." Yet you feel torn. You want to please God, but you also want to please Delilah, who has asked you to disclose the source of your strength. You try to resist, but the more you do, the more she cries and begs, prods and pleads. Now you find yourself in the Delilah Dilemma. As you take care of her feelings, you cave in to her manipulation. Finally, you confide that your strength is in your obedience to God in never, ever cutting your hair. Big mistake--a big mistake that leads to unimagined misery! Delilah tells the enemy Philistines, and they cut your hair and take you captive. However, your biggest mistake is not what you said, but what you did--you let Delilah be your "god" instead of letting God be your God. (See Judges chapters 13-16 to read this story in the Bible.)
What is Dependency?
If Samson had not been so dependent on pleasing Delilah--if he had not been a "codependent people-please"--he would not have lost his strength, his status, or his sight . . . nor would he have lost his spiritual insight. Ultimately, his dependency, which in turn led to his downfall. In truth, Samson's pride caused his own downfall, for he prioritized the words of Delilah over the words of God.
"Before his downfall a man's heart is proud,
but humility comes before honor."
(Proverbs 18:12)
- A dependency is a reliance on something or someone else for support or existence.
"I have to have this to live."
- A dependency can be either negative or positive, such as being dependent on cocaine versus being dependent on Christ.
"This is necessary for my life."
- A dependency can be an addiction to any object, behavior, or person that represents an underlying attempt to get emotional needs met.
"I must do this to meet my needs....to make me happy."
Objects-
- A chemical addiciton to drugs (or alcohol)
- A sexual addiction to erotic items (pornography)
Behaviors-
- An addiction to behaviors that appear to be bad, those that are not widely socially acceptable and can be harmful (inappropriate sex, gambling, excessive spending, compulsive eating)
- An addiction to behaviors that appear to be good, those that are widely socially acceptable but may be equally harmful (perfectionism, workaholism, caregiving)
People-
- A "love" addiction is which you feel that your identity is in another person ( A weak "love addict" is emotionally dependent on someone "strong.")
- A "savior" addiction in which you feel that your identity is in your ability to meet the needs of another person ( A strong "savior" needs to be needed by someone "weak.")
Because addicitons provide a momentary "high," good feelings are associated with them. However, the Book of Proverbs gives this poignant warning . . .
"There is a way that seems right to a man,
but in the end it leads to death."
(Proverbs 14:12)
