Expectantly Waiting

I often describe my singleness as the prism by which God
has focused His work in my heart — it wasn’t the singleness itself that was painful, but it shone light on deep expectations and thoughts and desires that I couldn’t and didn’t want to face. Some of the desires were good and some were downright ugly, but that’s where God starts working. I’m not even sure when it happened — but through Scripture, through godly friendships with other women, through faithful preaching at good churches, God helped me see what had been true about Him the entire time:

• He loves me. Not conceptually or theoretically or sometimes, but
actually and tangibly and forever.

• He has this under control. I have nothing to fear from singleness or
marriage. He isn’t surprised by any turn of events, and He isn’t
thwarted from pursuing His purposes. He is not boxed in by cultural
trends or my circumstances or statistics.

• Waiting with expectant hope is part of His plan. As a single woman, I know this reality far too well and sometimes I think I am the only one waiting. But as Christians, we are all waiting — even creation is waiting with us — for the ultimate freeing and “setting right” that will only happen when Jesus returns. If singleness is His tool to teach me to wait more patiently, graciously and expectantly, than so be it. Needless to say, that is enough to make any heart sing — but especially one that used to secretly fear it would never really be loved! When I am already loved so deeply, I don’t need to grasp for every snippet of earthly love to make up the gap in my heart. When I don’t have to be afraid of the future, I don’t have to try to control it. And, by God’s grace I am not the same woman I was prior to my conversion in 2007.

Sayonara Feris Wheel...

Lately, I’ve been thinking about how feeble my heart is, how it gets easily addicted to whatever comes along. Despite many chats with my Jenny Craig consultant a few years back, sometimes I really think that a handful of chocolate chips is what I need to satisfy my boredom and loneliness. When food fails to quench my restless spirit, I’ll reign in that desire, and turn instead to the internet. Surely, Facebook, Twitter and eHarmony will do the trick. Next up, caffeine, romantic comedies, or any number of other distractions. It’s like a giant Ferris wheel at the amusement park, but instead of being staffed by some bored teenager, it’s staffed by the enemy of my soul, promising satisfaction in each car. I happily jump into whichever one is available when the Ferris wheel stops.


When, O feeble heart, when will you turn to what really satisfies? When I’m feeling lonely or unloved or bored, why don’t I pray, and ask the God of the universe, who created my soul, to fill it up with what it truly needs, reminders of His love and goodness and provision?


This is when my built in alarm system (the Holy Spirit) starts screaming out…..GET IN THE WORD & PRAY!


The more I am in the Word the more aware I become of the rides we take on these Ferris wheels in life. In John 6:68, Peter says to Jesus, “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” But instead we settle for a trip in a complete circle, with a Slurpee in one hand and pink cotton candy in the other. We need to allow the Holy Spirit to give us a taste of what really satisfies. Several years of weekly time spent being in the Word and prayer have helped me be sensitive to His leading in this area. It's little by little. Day by day.


Mostly, I've been humbled by what God is doing in my own heart, by asking me to surrender my petty desires and let Him fill me up. He hears my prayers. Regardless of whether I ever get married, God wants ALL of ME