Expectantly Waiting

I often describe my singleness as the prism by which God
has focused His work in my heart — it wasn’t the singleness itself that was painful, but it shone light on deep expectations and thoughts and desires that I couldn’t and didn’t want to face. Some of the desires were good and some were downright ugly, but that’s where God starts working. I’m not even sure when it happened — but through Scripture, through godly friendships with other women, through faithful preaching at good churches, God helped me see what had been true about Him the entire time:

• He loves me. Not conceptually or theoretically or sometimes, but
actually and tangibly and forever.

• He has this under control. I have nothing to fear from singleness or
marriage. He isn’t surprised by any turn of events, and He isn’t
thwarted from pursuing His purposes. He is not boxed in by cultural
trends or my circumstances or statistics.

• Waiting with expectant hope is part of His plan. As a single woman, I know this reality far too well and sometimes I think I am the only one waiting. But as Christians, we are all waiting — even creation is waiting with us — for the ultimate freeing and “setting right” that will only happen when Jesus returns. If singleness is His tool to teach me to wait more patiently, graciously and expectantly, than so be it. Needless to say, that is enough to make any heart sing — but especially one that used to secretly fear it would never really be loved! When I am already loved so deeply, I don’t need to grasp for every snippet of earthly love to make up the gap in my heart. When I don’t have to be afraid of the future, I don’t have to try to control it. And, by God’s grace I am not the same woman I was prior to my conversion in 2007.